Sonik Hedge 1: Rise of Robutnik
by HedgeMaker
Summary: "One day Sonik, when suddenly Robustdik." Thus begins our Hero's Journey as star athlete and cocaine addict Sonik Hedge blasts off at the speed of sound to save his animal friends from the clutches of Doctor Robutnik. On his way, Sonik meets old friends, new enemies, and faces that fall in between. Will Sonik be able to stop Robutnik's plans, or will the Doctor get the last laugh?
1. Chapter 1

Sonik Hedge 1: Rise of Robutnik

Chapter 1: Green Hill Zone Act 1 (1/3)

One day Sonik, when suddenly Robustdik. He came all over in his floating wheelchair.

"son," said Robut. "I'm fucking pissed as a shitter. I'm gonna turn these critter fucks into robots. You can't stop me. HAHAHAHAHA!"

"Ok Boomer," Sonik the Edge replied.

"FOKC!" Robut was mad. He flyed away in his wheelchair, but he had a big shit before he did. It went to Sonik's feet and he said "Ew!"

He runned across the green hills to get rid of the shit on his shoes. They were really green. "Oh yeah, running is favorite!" he shouted. Brown trails flowed from him. Running was freedom. But not even his feet could outrun his crippling suicidal tendencies.

SOnik was appressed by the world. His favorite movei was "Joker" with Walking Pheenix. All he thot about was how much sad he had and how he could never get it out. But that was okay, cuz he did coke to numb the pain (that why he's the fastest thing alive).

Using speed, he jumped around on all the green. When he found out that yeah, Orbit did the thing. There were robts everywhere he saw. Bug fish jumping out the fuckin waterand shit. Some ladybugs but they had rollerblades instead of legs. Soni give a thumb up to the camera. "Ha, looks like I'm gona have to smash!"

He runned bigly across the field. "Okay, here I cum!" Sonic wasn't kidding either. He cummed onto the robots as blue as he could, rolling like a madman. His heady sspikes hit the bug, and itt blowed up like 9/11. "Don't fuck me!" Sonik shouted as he cummed on a fish. The thing blew, big smoke rising up as if it were some kind of terrorist attack (okay, ill stop with the whole muslim tthing).

"Robut's gonna pay for this!" Sonik was determined to make that fat old lard give his comeuppants for what he did to his animal friends. Well, not really friends, they were good tho. Sonc may have wanted to end his life, but tha didn't mean other craturs had to suffer.

B ut it wasn't over yet. Sonik found out there wasa big fish at the end of the road. He was near a lake, pretty big and shiny, and big fish was in there. Every robot till this had a baby bird or gopher or fuckin whatever in it, so sans wasn't so sure how much his fish had in him. But where was fish?

He loked at the waater, waittng for the fish tto get it. "Oh man," ssonik cried, "where's tthat big red mottherfucker?"

Seddenly, with no remorse, the fish jumped into the sky like a torpedo. Sonik looked up and said his catchphrase for when everything went bad: "OH FUCK!"

Fish blocked out the sun. He was bigger than Nemo. Bigger than Jawss. Big as a Mastodon. Fish was gonna cum into Sonik without saying no homo first. Sonik wasn't gonna let that happen.

He jump like a jackass, flipping in the sky and flipping off the fish . "No cum for me, thank you!" Sonik wass gonna un-gay this big flipper, even if it cot him life. "Not like I've been living anyway!"

His foot hit ther fush in jawspring. Giving it asend to see if ti was alright, the fish joomped into the atompshere. "CALIGULA!" it shooted.

"What's that opposed to mean?" Sonik contoured.

"_CALIGULA_!" the fish shouted like a loud. "AHHHHHHHH"

Then Sanik noticed what was wrapped around his head. A Turban!

"Well, you know wha they say; Don't feed a fish pork!" Sonik was right. Fish shouldn't eat pig, that's nasty.

The fish it turnds out was part of the Muslim Brotherhood. His father had been killed in Afghanistan, so he let Buttduck give him a small animal to trap inside him. He told sonny this through telepoothy, and also how Robut seemed big in the pants seeing an animal inside him.

"Wow, I didn't need to know that," Sonic said.

"Yeah, I know, it was pretty disgusting," fish reply. "Ok, im gonna kill u now."

"Ok. Wait!"

But fish was to bigg to wait. It jump sonic in the mouth. Sonic shout ,"NOO" and runned at fish with all his might. There ws still a lit bit of cocaine in his system, just enpogh to finish this mig botherfucker off once and for good.

Son got up and. Jump-kicked this bitch fish. He was saprised, but not much. He flipped his tial and batched sonic at the wall. He felled into it, going down big time. His body jumped down and hit the floor with a bang. "Damn," sunic mustard. "There's too much Jihad in him."

"CALIGULA!" The fish was charge, reday to kill Sojink till he died.

"Not so fast!" Son was feeling the coke leave him, but now he stood up. "I wanna die bitch-hole!" He sounded up. "So go ahead! Cum!"

The fish came up, but it was only on the edge. Sonik did a big jump up, and smashed down on it. The fish'd skull squished like a grape in teeth. Fish went kurplunk into the water. Then it blowed up, bombing the water like it wanted to all long.

"My brothers," the fish whispered to its head. "I am gong to the Kingdom of Haven for you. My virgins wait for me!"

Fish explorded. Sonic was launched back at the wall. "Awshit," he said. Hiss vision was getting foggy, because he was tired and the cocaine was all gone. He reach back and stuffed a hand in his asshole, finglered it to try and see if he had any leftover nose candy. But it waass goon.

"Fok," ssunicu felled tot the fluoride. "I need my coke," he wshipers. "I wanna die."

Now Sonik really did feel like the Joker.

"Hol' up!"

SSon jumped, recognizing that voice. It was one he had in high school, and college before he got kicked out for…well, that would spoil story, now, won't it?

"Who tthere?" Sonik assed.

"Who you think it is foo' cracka?" The voice was all squeaky and black, like an African midget.

Sonich standed. "Aw yeah, this is happening!" He brupped , but that was okay, Now he had a reason to keep going.

Some robot parts of the Muslim fish were up on the water's surface, but in them was something godlss. It rised up to that top. A black bandana was on it hed, and sunglasess on the eyes. A big Colt Python was in his left wing.

"Sup," the figure sad. "You the bitch cracka that saved my ass?"

Then it saw who it weaas. It took off his classes slike that one scene in Jurassic pack.

"Aw shit!" the guy smiled. "It's my favorite nigga!"

Sonik nodded. "hey Tweety Bird," he said. "Got any coke?"

Tweety' face wass mad now. "Naw," he said, sshaking head and gun. "That white-ass cracka Robutnik stole my last supply. Actul, I got a lil right ere, but I know it ain't enough for your fast ass."

Tweety Bird tossed Sonic a bag of white power. Sonik put it in his nose and snuffed. "AHHHGHAAFFA!" He mitted noises of grand satisfaction. His dick got a little hard, but only for a minute, Then he was back, and ready to speed.

"Okay, Tweety," SSoic jumped up again. "We're gonna get your're coke back from Robustik, and he'll pay for what he did to all those poor aminals."

"Nigga I don't care about no animals. I just want my damn supply back!"

"And we're gonna get it! Gotta go fast!"

Son flew off on his feet, Tweetie follwin. But little they knowed tnat Robustok had stoled the cocaine for a reason…


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2: Green Hill Zone Act 1 (2/3)

Sonik and Tweety Bitch was finding for Robostik, who'd stoled Twety's cocane stash when he put his in the Muslem fish.

Sonif was kil the robuts as. They gone. But too many of themwas big poweufl for him. There was a fucking big buch of ladybugs, runned up to sonic like they downed the place or something. Sonik wans't gonna have any of it. He jumps on them with his blue, making a _ca-ching _with his roll as he smashed them up. Birds and other gay aminils game out when he got them.

"Ha! Gotta go fast!" he shooted. But there was something wrong in his tummy. It rumbles like when yhou have too many Doritos and take a shit, but it's all red. He was about to get on znother robut when he fell. "Oh no," he waspered, relizing what was happen. His cocaine supply had run out again. It had only been an hour! Twetty mustn't have give him the _real _good stuff.

The ladbag was closing in, making a big sound as it tried to kill Sanik. Then a boom, and it broke up. Soni look over hgis shoulder, seeing it was Tweety bird shot bot! Smoke was coming hard out of the Colt Phython, and Twet blew on it like a badass muthafucka.

"Sheet, Sonik," he sad. "That muthafucka was bout to run yo ass ova!"

"Thank's Tweety! Super cool!" But Son cuntint just say that. He felled like a big log, and his eyes got all fuzzed.

"Aw sheet!" Twety shot. "Bruh, we gotta get you coke!"

"But where to we go to get?" Sonik said in a half-awake, half-asleep thing.

Tweret looked thot-full. "Hmm," he mussed. Then a light buld. "I know just the nigga."

Twet took Son on the back and hooked on. Soniku was surpassed by Twetery's strongness. "Wow, you have strong!" Sonik said.

Twet shok head. "Gotta be strong in a world like this, man," he repelled. "No tellin when some whack-ass cracka gonna throw down witcha."

"Ah. Mah ni—"

"What we fuckin' say bout that word!" Tweety shouted. "Only a born nigga can say the n-word, man, 'less you gots the Pass. And Sonik, you may be my favorite nigga, but you ain't favorite enough for me to give you the Pass."

"o…k." Sonie was a ,oil bit disapinged that he couldn't find the n-word pass from Twatty, but he anderstond. He didn't have Gene 32 (The Jungle Gene) and therby cantint say niga.

"Ait fam, we almost there," Twety swet. "Jus' hang in a little bit mo' man. Hang in!"

But can he? Sonik was finding that world was in color now. Almost like he was gonna pss, but not reallie. Was he gonna die. _No way! _Sunk thought to his self. _I'm the fastest thing alive! Gotta go fast!_

But how could Sanich go fast in a world without his fastness?

"Aight, nigga, we here!"

"Woah!"

In frunt of sonik was a big brown house made of wood. There was a crudle of smok coming up from it's big stump atop rof. He signed, washing he qwasn't here right now. Whnever the coce wore off, he started to wander if he ever needed it really. Like, would Arthur Fleck be proud of him for being addicted to cock? Sonik didn't thank so.

Twetyly Bird drogged him into the house on Green Heel Zoone. It was light inside, and Son ike had to seal his ewues to understand his zorundings. He squainted, tryna eek it up. But every was a shadow. That was until sumone came.

He was a blurry fugnuge, but Sunki recognized him imedity. He was black and whit, with a big rod and whit top had. He was whiskers, and a big tail that was flowted from his butthind. His eyes cxame on sonick, and he shok his head. Then he loked and saw Tweety tight there.

"Tweety, what the fuck," he said. "I told you no more strays."

"Nigga, I know!" Twetty sod.

"And stop saying that word," the new guy angered. "It makes you sound unprofessional."

"Sheet, man, fuck you, "Twat was pissed.

The guys flung his ahand up. "Who the hell is this anyway?" But then he sawed and gasped. "Is that…no, it can't be…"

"Das rite!" Twet shotted. "The Blue Blur hisself!"

"That…no, no, that can't be right. Sonik the Hedge he…he does drugs?"

"Sheet, ni…ugh. Sheet _man_, how you think he get so fast?"

Cat guy glare. "Is that where he gets his speed from?" he asked. "Is that…oh my God. Are _you _the reason he's won so many races in his time as an Olympics competitor?"

Twet red now. "Well, fuck, man, somebuddy gotta represent Mobius 'side from that hoot-ass bitch."

"You know, what? I don't have time for this. Fuck off and go bother someone else."

"Nigga, you don't under—"

"I said not to use that word, Tweety!" cat snopped.

"Nigga you do _not understand_!" Towty was a mad muther rtight how. "That cracka Robutnik stoled my coke. He's trappin' animals in machines man. Ain't you seen what's been goin on outside? How you gonna sell yo shit if there ain't nobody round to sell you fo, huh?"

Cat loked like a dumbass for a minute. Then he signaed. "I suppose you're right. If Sonik is planning on taking out Robutnik, then I guess I have no choice, do I? I'll get Thing One and Thing Two to cook up a batch right now. Won't take any more than fifteen minutes."

"Thanks n…Thanks man. I owe you mo' than you could eva imagine."

"Don't worry about it. Just get him off the floor, for God's sake. He's sweating like a pig."

"Sheet, aight foo."

Soni was made into a bed. He shook like leave, but he stilled had a concscinse. He'd waked up for a minute, and sawed cat, but was scarred. "Oh, no, the Devil!" Sonich was carred of cats cuz eone time as a kid one bit him and he killedit but that's a plotpoint for later.

The feften minue whent by pretty fast (almost like Sonik!). Then Chat in the Hat came back with a knife. At fordst soni was scarred that he was gonna get revenge, but no. Some whit puder was on the nifee. Chot brought it to Sonichu's nose and he snoffed. Strongth retruned to his bodi. "Woah! I'm feeling super cool!" he shooted.

"Sheet man, dat's some strong shit. The fuck you give 'em?"

Chat tosed Twetty a big bag of white duff. "It's synthetic cocaine," he explunged. "More powerful than regular coke, but you need a lot more of it to keep yourself active."

"Well sheet, foo, guess we don't gotta worry 'bout gettin my cocaine back right away. Afta' all, them aminals is way mo' impotent!"

Chat smiled a little. "Damn. Who replaced that piece of coal in your chest with a heart?"

Twety shot him a lock. But chat cuntingued. "Well, as much as I'd say save the animals and stop Robutnik first, that can't happen. My synthetic coke is good, sure, but it'll weaken Sonik's body ten times as fast as regular cocaine. But, given his extreme reliance on it, I'd double those numbers. You probably have twenty-four hours until his whole immune system shuts down. Another day or two, and he'll go into cardiac arrest."

"Not so sho' bout yo predications," Birb sad. "This man's the toughest nigga I know. I'm surprised his azure ass ain't gone into cadiac arrest already!"

Cot in Hot shok his hok. "Don't take any chances. Not when all of Green Hill Zone—hell, all of _Mobius_—is at stake. Because no matter how real his speed his, no matter how much of a coke fiend he has to become, we need him. Otherwise…"

"Yeah, I getcha," Tatty sood. "I getcha too fuckin' well."

Chot didn't asked about that. Then sunik waked up and joomped. "Woah!" He shot. "I'm feeling a hundred percent! Gotta go fast!"

Son speeded out of Chot's house. Chut in the Hut sigled, then sat. "Good luck," he musared.

Sunik showed at the door agin and shitted. "It's time for me to cum on some robots!"

Cat['s eyes got big. "He's going to _what_?"

"Mah _nigga!_" Twattled bord shed. He left, saying, "See ya later Cat in the Hat! You sure do know a lot about that!" before shitting the sdoor.

Cot wathed the duo form a window. _The fate of the world is in their hands_, he thot to hisself. Now he really regerted selling that shotgun instead of killing himself with it instead.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3: Green Hill Zone Act 1 (3/3)

:Ah, shihit!' Sonuk was felt like he qas about to piss out.

"Nigga c'mon!" Teaty bird sad. "We got's to keep goin'!"

"okay," Sonik replied. "But I think i'm gunna need some more coke!"

Twattle sigled. He don't want to give it to him, but that's because the Cot in Hot's words still rangled inhis ears: _That nigga gonna die if he use my fake cracka coke fo too long! _Or at least it was something like that.

But still, he did really look like he neded it. Twetty sighed. "Aight man, but you ain't lookin so good!"

"Haha! Sonik's the name, speed's my game!" Sonlk wusn't listenin, insteading thinking about how much more less leik the Jokre he felt when the cock hit his bloodstream.

"Sheet," Twittle Twitted. "You got's a point. Aight nigga; here!"

Twashle tussed Sunuki a new bag of power (get it, cuz the poweer's his powder?). It flewed in the air like some beacon or other, and it shoned in the sunlight shining up there. Sunik had just enoof strong to cought the bag. Like a fiend, he scopped the white stuff out and plugged it into his little rat nose. Snoffied, he got it in there and it went in him. Then his eyes went little in the black part, and he shouted.

"Woah! I'm feeling faster already!" Then, like a bullet in the school cafeteria, Sunic booted really fast towards a thing. He'd sawed it just a few little's away, but at first didn't know it was what it was. Then he came on it, and saw it was a big building. The outside was like silver but not really, like metal and stuff. Sunchic looked above, and was said, "Woah! That's a pretty big one!"

Twattle forguntled. "Man, we ain't got time to look at a building! We gots to get my fuckin' supply back from that wack-ass cracka Robutnik!"

"Haha! Woah!" Sunik made a move like he'd just slipped on ice, then he standed up. Shot up a thumbs up up at Twettle. "Sometimes, it's okay to break, take, take a break."

Soduku had stuttered. He'd never seen him do that before. Twattlie was conceded. _Man, maybe this shit do mo than just fuck him up in the immune-cardiacal areas_. But naow was nut the tim to think about it. Shook was right. Here was a big place to be okay in, and they were gonna just give up? No way! The'd been walking since CXat gave them his fake cok, so it was only meaning that they rest. Also, the sun was now setting, and a dark night was one tyoudonty want to travel under.

"Ah, sheet, what the fuck?" Twaful bapped sonuc under the head back there. "We might as well stay the night!"

"Oh fuck yeah!" Sunyik dooshed forward to the building. But then, the door open. Sonik stooped up, and watched as a few thingys came out of it. They were like big ladybugs but not; they were robots! Sonich had a flashbackwards to when he'd been running and when Robustnik shat himself. Those were the same robuts he'd been massacring before! They were Robustdik's! Which meant that this…

"Aw sheet!" Tweety said it before Sonik could think it. "This place is a Robutnik base!"

Like robot had could hear, they turned. "Intuder alert, Induter alert!" They scramed. Then, with big quick, their backs opened. Soun and Twlet wached as the robuts made big guns that were on their backs cum out. They had the spinny thing on them, like it was a…like, the gun could spin and shoot, you know!?

"Well fuck me," Twattle brethed.

"That's pretty gay!" Sunuk gave Twintle the thombs up. Then—because robiuts don't discriminate—the guns started fired. _Bingbingbingbingbingbingbingbingbingbing! _Like that.

Sernik stated to run away at them, dogging the bulits as big as he can. Twetty, for his port, pooled his Colt Python out of the air and started shitting. After that, he started to shoot at the robuts.

_BANG! POW! BLAMMO!_

Twele's gun went in the sky and he did too so he shat them friom below. The bots had the plosion big wig, and did they go to fire. Suntic was still run, but Twattle had already gotten the robots ded! He locked down and see Sonuc couldn't stop his lefs from moving. "Nigga, I gotem!" Twitle sod.

"Woah! I can't stop running! Ha ha! Woah!" Sunchic was about to drop his fuck. The cock, it seemed, was too much for him. He'd blowed too much in his nosils, and so he now had no way of stooping hisself.

"Aw sheet!" Twitle runned over to Sonij but in the sky so he flewed. He did his hardest to make Sounk cum down, but instead he just got hit when the blue guy runned hinto him. Twitle was stunted; how could Sonuk be stooped now?

But, like it was just a glitch or something, Sonik stopped. He runned over to robot, but it happened again, os he stopped again. Twettle wached with fade haetr. _Aw fuck_, he thot. _The nigga's startin to lose control of hisself! Dis ain't good; we gots to get real coke in him befo he die!_

Sonik thot, _Woah! Speed is cool!_

Anywaggle, Suntic and Twitle went to bot robot. They were un fire, and buirning. Then it was Souytn who saw that there was a nametag on one of them. He roached in with the glove, but he spulled off. "Woah!" he scrammered. "Fire's hot!"

Before Twetle could offer to halp, Sonik was back in. He roffed inside the robot, and pulled out the n aeme tage. Held it up to the son, he red it, then gasped. Twetty came and he gasped too. In big ladders for the name, the nametag said:

Hello my name is THE MUSLIM BROTHERHOOD

"Uh oh!" Sunik shooted.

Twattle truned. "You know who dese niggas be?" he assed.

Sonik nooded. "Yeah. That big fish guy you were in was part of the Brotherhood, too!"

"Sheet," Twatle whasperd. "Why da fuq would Robutnik wanna ally hisself wit da Muslim Bruthahood?"

"I'm sure you'll find our reasoning for it most understandable."

That wasn't Sunchick or Twattwet. The both of it turned, and seed a man cooming in the building doorway. He was had brown hair in a wave on his head, and also blue eyes. Or gray. Or brown. I dunno. He had eyes. Anyway, he was in a gray busnus soot, with a cherkerboard red tie, like it was like he was playing checkers on him. He looked like he was formed formal, and he was a good guy too. But, if he was from the building…

"You must be one of Robutnik's goons!" Sunchi sod. "Okay, time to kick your cunt!"

The man smelled. "I wouldn't be so quick to violence, Mister Hedge. Neither you, dear Tweety Bird."

Birb had stared to pull out his gun. So he put it back. "Wutchu want?" he dommed.

The man smlled agin. "I want what the doctor wants; a better world."

"Whatever he's selling you, it was probably made in China!" Sonik said.

"No matter its flimsiness I do believe in his spunk at the very least," the man countertopped. "Robutnik may not be the smartest man in the world, but that silver tongue of his…now that is _real _intelligence."

Man went to his bots and locked the flame. "Who the hell are you?" Taty assed.

Man smelled again (he keeps smelling what the fuck). "Ah yes, who am I. Well, I'm a man with a name. We all have names, don't we?"

There was a ruckus. Sunich a nd Thwt turned. The doors were opened, and robuts were cuming hard out. There were like hundred or something, and they surrounded our "heroes."

"Woah! Way past _not _cool!" Sunich sodded.

"Oh, I have a name alright," the man sod. "A name you'll remember right up to the moment the doctor executes you both."

Then he pulled a wallet from his breast. He showed it. Twattle gasped first this time. There was a new nametage inside. It said:

Hello my name is ROBERT F. KENNEDY

"But…but you'supposed to be dead, nigga!" Twat shot.

Kenndy smelled (AGAIN!). "I faked it. Now take them inside!"

Robuts were gonna but then Rob put out his hand. "Wait. Wait. Take them to the same cage as that senile old prick. We might as well torture them before they leave this place."

Robts did it. They blindfolded the duo wwhile in the metal hallway so they didn't see in or out or make sescape plans or something like that. Then they made blindfolds off when they were in their cell. They closed it, and the metal chinked.

Sounk grabbed the bars and shook. "Hey! Let us out!" he dummanded.

"Ain't gonna work, nigga." Twattle sat down. "We trapped as _fuck_."

Sonik sat too. First Robutnik, then the Muslim Brotherhood, and now Robert Kennedy. Who else was involved in all of this? How deep did the rabbit's hole go?


End file.
